This week has been a hard one for me…as I stood at the crossroads and wondered what the hell I was doing with my life…
My heart hurt…I knew that….
My body was sick…I knew that too…
And if I kept going in the same direction, my instinct told me that I wouldn’t be long for this world.
I stood at the crossroads, pondering, gazing and wondering which path I should take…
The path on the left was the one I was going down if nothing changed…I saw pain, suffering, stress, ill health, depression, anxiety, an unhealthy/unhappy family and DEATH. I had given up everything down this path, my music, my art, my writing, my studies, my garden, my adventures into nature…all had become null and void on this path…but I was used to it, I was used to feeling unhealthy, depressed, tired, anxious, miserable – an empty shell…it’s the only thing I have known for the past year.
So I turned back and stood at the Crossroads.
The path on the right…the “right” path as they say – was full of good change, light, happiness, good health, nature, loving family…LIFE……even so, this change looked extremely scary…..it was going to be hard, as decisions were going to have to be made, hard decisions…outside of the box decisions…life changing decisions – was I prepared to go through that, or should I stick to the devil I know.
I’m not one for change….change petrifies me…
After much deliberation, my body gave me the answer, after all – we should all listen more to our bodies than we do….it taunted me with questions “Do you want to die soon?” “Or do you want to live a healthy, happy longer life?” “Do you want to be in constant pain and ill health?” “Or do you want to make some changes, get healthy and be more vibrant in your older age?” “Do you want to deal with the stresses at work?” “Or do you want to get rid of it and try something new?” It gave me nightmares about death and suffering…I woke up in sweats with fear gripping my very soul, my heart palpitating so hard that I thought it would burst at any moment. After running through the many scenarios in my head, emotional, financial, family, employment…….I breathed a sigh of relief….
I AM TAKING THE RIGHT ROAD…
It’s going to be a hard journey ahead as I fear change, but now I have made the decision I can see light at the end of the tunnel…I know I am on the mend and have the support of my fantastic family!!
So the first thing I did was quit my stressful job….I gave them a month’s notice (my last day at work is the 29th August 2014)
I will then take a couple of weeks off to get my body and my head in the right space – then I will go to an Agency and start doing temp work to pay the mortgage and bills…..I would like part time, as I want to further my health studies and do the myriad of things that I would like to do…and now I am looking forward to the challenges ahead
I will be documenting my journey – all the successes, failures, good and bad on my daily motion channel:
Darkwench Daily Motion
I am hoping that I can change my life for the better and hopefully be a guiding light to those who see my progress..
I hope you, my friends, will join me on my Journey into the Wilderness….
Much love and Peace